[V5C8] I’ve Only Seen The Things I Hate
Translated by Jodas 5: The Magic BattleFrom Gerald’s earliest memories, he grew up in an environment where fighting was demanded of him.
If he wasn’t strong, if he couldn’t fight, if he couldn’t hunt, he wouldn’t be able to survive. That was the environment in which he lived.
And yet, he hated fighting.
After all, he didn’t want to be in pain. He didn’t want to be afraid. Anyone else would think the same way.
Every time he voiced such complaints, he was scolded.
‘You weakling, you coward! Do you have no sense of pride!?’ And such.
(I don’t. I don’t have anything like that. I don’t want it either.)
If abandoning his pride was what it took to live in peace, to avoid having to fight… With such thoughts in mind, Gerald ran away.
Wolves hunted in a pack.
Those who would not hunt were worthless.
(… I… betrayed my family.)
Thus, betraying his family and running away, he came to the Wedge Tower. Unable to find something he wanted to do, he spent his days absentmindedly living on.
When he saw people who clearly knew what they wanted to do like Rukiye, who wanted to be an artisan; or Tia, who wanted to fly; Gerald felt a terribly miserable feeling.
… He hated himself for embracing such feelings.
One day, a few days after talk of the magic battle surfaced, Gerald returned to his room in the dorms to paper strewn all over the room.
At the desk in the back of the room, Wren was silently doing something with his hands.
His ordinarily friendly, smiling face that he prided for its beauty was now uncharacteristically serious.
“Wren, what is this…?”
Hesitantly, Gerald called out to him, and Wren jolted to attention, turning his head towards Gerald.
“Oh, my bad! I’ve gotten a little carried away, you see~. I’ll clean it all up, so can you try not to step on anything for me? Um… these haven’t dried yet, so… Oh, you can throw those ones away.”
Wren dutifully picked up some of the papers laid out on the floor.
Written on those papers were magical formulas.
“Is this… the thing we did in that mana emission lesson a while ago?”
“It’s called ‘inscription magic.’ It’s the thing that made that stuff work. I was thinking maybe it might be suited for me. It’s kinda neat, you know? I’m actually having fun folding and cutting and doing all sorts of things to this paper to see if the formulas still work…”
When he heard that, Gerald was ashamed to admit… very, very ashamed… that he felt envious of him.
Wow, even Wren has found something he wants to do.
He, meanwhile, made no effort to find any such thing, only running away and hanging his head, wasting away his time. He had no right to even envy Wren.
Pushing away his miserable feelings, Gerald mumbled.
“… I… see. I think it suits you well, Wren. This inscription magic.”
“Well, I still haven’t decided if it suits me or not. I haven’t really gotten into it yet.”
Wren said he hadn’t gotten into it, but it was hard to believe that he’d cover the room with this many sheets of paper on a mere whim.
The practice sheets he’d discarded had the marks of numerous straight lines drawn across the back. He must have practiced over and over again to write his magical formulas as properly as possible.
“I haven’t even decided if inscription magic is what I want to commit myself to yet.”
“…Eh?”
“That old man from the Finance Office asked me to do sales for him. I’m actually kinda interested in that. When you’re doing sales, you get to see the faces of your customers, and you can learn what kind of people want magical devices in the first place. It would give you a better idea of what magical devices we need to make, too.”
“……”
“Also, my assigned Instructor, Mr. Hütter came from the Mage Association, right? I wanna know what kind of organization the Mage Association is. But every time I ask Mr. Hütter, he dodges the question! It’s gotta be a pretty secretive organization, I bet.”
“……”
“Oh, also! Whenever we play card games, Rose has been teaching me Ridillian, you know? There’s a guy in the Ridill Kingdom they call the ‘Transport King,’ a true business genius named Wesley Anderson. I’d love to meet him at least once! I wonder if I could become his apprentice?”
Wren ran his mouth, putting out one idea of what he ‘wanted to do’ after another. Gerald was taken aback.
Whereas Gerald had just embraced his helplessness, unable to find something to do, Wren had thought up so many different ideas.
Wren appeared to take Gerald’s silence as a sign of exasperation.
Wren looked at Gerald guiltily.
“Sorry… I haven’t been able to contain myself to one thing.”
“Ah, no…”
He wasn’t trying to criticize Wren or anything.
At times like this, he cursed his inability to express himself.
Ultimately, unable to come up with a good way to hide his feelings, Gerald just chose to share what he honestly felt.
“…I’m… jealous that you have so many things you want to do.”
Jealous.
Putting those feelings to words, something gave way in Gerald’s mind.
Gerald lowered his head and beneath his long bangs, his face twisted in discomfort.
“There’s all sorts of things I know I don’t want to do… But I can’t think of anything I do want to do.”
He’d only ever been able to see those things that he hated or displeased him, and could only envy those around him.
He didn’t like that about himself, but he had no idea how to change it.
As Gerald hung his head, Wren spoke up.
“Hm… For example? What’s something you don’t like, Gerald?”
As if he was just asking what kinds of foods he liked or disliked, Wren asked in a casual tone.
That allowed Gerald to answer without dwelling on it too much.
“…I hate being hurt.”
“Me too.”
“…I don’t want to fight.”
“Well, of course.”
“…I hate being told that to be a man, I have to get stronger.”
“Well, there’s always folks out there like Sevil, right? The ones who announce ‘I am the strongest!’ and such.”
His impression of Sevil was shockingly adept.
Wren returned his pen to the pen stand and waved one of his arms.
“Whether it’s a man or a woman, I think you can just leave that ‘strength’ stuff to someone who actually wants to do it!”
Wren’s tone was light, but his words didn’t come across as thoughtless.
That light tone was probably his way of caring for Gerald. Even though Wren was younger than Gerald, he would always try to look out for those around him.
“I betrayed my family by coming here. That’s why…”
Gerald sat down in his chair and slowly let out a deep breath.
The more he faced his own feelings, the more he loathed himself.
“Ah, that’s right… I’ve just been searching for an excuse. ‘I came to the Wedge Tower to master this skill. That’s why I can’t answer my family’s expectations.’ Or something…”
“Why do you always have to be so hard on yourself? You could just pretend not to notice that stuff!”
“…I was taught not to shy away from my weaknesses.”
“How serious can you be…”
Wren stuck his tongue out.
“We’re just kids, y’know? It’s okay if we don’t decide right away that ‘I’m gonna commit to this path!’ And even when we do decide, you always have the option of changing your mind.”
That came as a bit of a shock to Gerald.
From the moment he was born, everything had been decided for him in advance.
Was he really allowed to just change his mind after settling on a path?
As Gerald hesitated, Wren poked him with his finger.
“First thing’s first, just try to think of the one thing you want to do the least. For me, I absolutely don’t want to go back to my home.”
“Me… too. I don’t want to go home either.”
“Then we’re the same!” Wren laughed.
His laugh was a crude, cackling laugh.
“Then, so we don’t have to go home, let’s establish a place for ourselves in the Wedge Tower! To make that happen… let’s win the magic battle!”
Gerald still had yet to make up his mind about how he betrayed his family.
At any point, the fact that he betrayed his family could catch up to him and hold him back.
When he tried to reach for his interests, his hand would grow heavy and fall limply.
To that Gerald, Wren spoke.
“Until you figure out what you want to do, you can start by putting all your heart into running away from those things you don’t want to do.”
It was hard for him to tell if that statement was optimistic or pessimistic.
Nevertheless, he strangely started to feel more confident where he had previously wandered aimlessly.
In order to escape that which he wanted to do the least, he would put all of his effort into what he could do now.
(And what I can do now… is to put my all into winning this magic battle.)
Under the force of Frederik’s powerful gale, the Apprentices fell into shambles.
And Frederik set his sights on Julius.
If he took down Julius, the Apprentices’ chances of winning would plummet.
(I hate things that hurt; things that scare me. I don’t want to stand in front of someone with a weapon… but…)
Gerald broke into a sprint with his drawing board in hand. He was confident in his ability to run.
(In order to escape the things I don’t want to do… I’ll do everything I can here and now.)
Metal lined the four corners of the drawing board. At first glance, they looked like ordinary braces to strengthen the board. Looking closer, they had patterns engraved in them and were filled with metallic paint to act as a form of magical device.
Gerald poured his mana into it, and the edge of the drawing board let off a faint glow that soon spread to cover the whole board.
The board, coated in mana, served as a rudimentary weapon. When it came to hand-to-hand combat or a dirty fight, they could use their shields to hit their enemy.
“HAAAAHHHH!”
Gerald parried Frederik’s spear with his shield, then twisted his body to slam the side of the shield into Frederik.