[V10C28] Poppo Exercises / Weathervane Poppo
Translated by Jodas 10: A Job for a Con ManWhen a traveling performer put on his act, the first hurdle he had to tackle was building a warm atmosphere. In other words, you had to give the impression that ‘something fun was happening.’
In bars, this was relatively easy to do. That was because you were in an enclosed space and your marks were all imbibed with liquor. Even better if you spent some time drinking with the clientele and getting to know them before putting on your show.
In the opposite scenario — In a wide open space surrounded by sober adults — the difficulty was multiplied. If you start performing on some random street corner, just about nobody is going to stop and watch you.
A performer must first draw his audience in and make a cheerful atmosphere where people find it easier to laugh. You must ensure that your audience is fully bought in.
But how exactly was he supposed to warm up the atmosphere in a stupidly tense moment like this?
The rotten con man’s answer? Use children.
“Everyone, it’s time for Poppo Exercises!”
“Poppo!”
The children gathered around the stage. It was a tiny stage, so not all of the kids would be able to stand on it at once. Besides, Hütter would be moving around quite a bit, so it would be inconvenient if there were any kids on top of the stage.
And, among the kids gathered around the stage appeared Tia, Wren, and Sevil, Hütter’s students.
Hütter cast his eyes across the crowd. There were some still occupied with work or recovering from injuries, so, counting both Wedge Tower mages and villagers, there were only just over a hundred people assembled here.
The forms of a few of the Apprentices who weren’t in Hütter’s class could be seen here and there as well.
(Looks like there’s six Apprentices who showed up: Rose, Gerald, Julius, Ella, Roswitha, and Sophie. I guess Rukiye didn’t come, huh… I think Rose is going to be the most likely to play along out of these guys. Ella’s a good listener, so I’m sure she’d get the memo and play along too if she had to. And if Ella joined in, I bet Roswitha and Sophie would follow.)
Following on, we had the Directors. Almost all of them were present, but they all looked awfully troubled. Director Hegelich was so pale in the face he looked like he was about to croak.
(Sorry about all this, Director Hegelich…!)
Only one of them, Old Man Kappel, had a face that looked like ‘Gee, looks like something entertaining is about to happen!’ Thank goodness a gramps like him was here. If would be nice if he shouted a few times. A little bit of heckling could really help get people into the mood.
The worst would be if someone chilled the atmosphere by saying something like “What, do you think that’s supposed to be funny?” *Like you would know anything, you son of a bitch! I’m trying as hard as I can up here!
Hütter set the mandola at his feet, set his feet shoulder-width apart, and threw his arms wide.
“Everyone, let’s get our bodies warmed up! Start by opening your arms out real wide and stick out your chest for the pigeon pose! With me! Poppoppo! Poppoppo!”
The ‘Hütter Class and Little Dancers’ Stuck out their arms and chest just as Hütter did.
It might have only seemed like some weird dancing to the youngsters in the crowd, but once you got to middle age, it was the kind of pose that made you go “Ah~, that hits the spot.”
It was especially effective for the kind of old man who spend all his time with his shoulders hunched over doing deskwork.
“Now move your arms up and down like a pigeon flapping its wings! With me, poppoppo, poppopo!”
This movement would also make any middle-aged person with stiff shoulders go “Oh yeah~ That hits the spot~!” Hütter’s shoulders’s made a sharp popping noise.
“Next, let’s do the Poppo Step! Alright everyone, poppopo, poppoppopo. Poppopo, poppopopo! Once you get used to how it feels, try moving your chest too! Popoppo, popoppo. Poppoppo, poppoppopo!”
He called it the ‘Poppo Step,’ but it really was a simple movement. When he taught the kids yesterday, they were all over the place, but after trying it a few times they were able to match tempo quite well.
Out of the three from Hütter’s class, Tia was a little iffy, but Sevil and Wren picked it up quickly yesterday, and they were moving perfectly in step.
Even then, Sevil’s confident steps were truly remarkable. Her trained muscles could match the cadence flawlessly, so each step she took and each movement of her arms looked all the more impressive.
While Tia was certainly shaky on the steps, she was delightedly singing along “Poppoppo!” From a performer’s perspective, making sure people are having fun is the most important part, so she passes with flying marks.
Wren was the only one whose expression practically screamed ‘Why in the wold am I doing this…?’ Get over it already, pretty boy.
“How about it everyone? Are you feeling warmed up?”
“Ye~s!” replied the kids.
“Alright, well good ol’ Mr. Hütter is feeling pretty warmed up too, so I’m gonna give chantless illusion magic a shot! I hope you’re all cheering me on!”
It would be hard to say the atmosphere was exactly welcoming at this point. Rather than jovial, the overwhelming majority would best be described as confused.
Yet not one of the adults tried to shout him off the stage. This was thanks to the kids who looked to be having a blast dancing around him. Even Director Hegelich couldn’t do much more than angrily grumble.
The adults of the Wedge Tower were fundamentally well-intentioned. They weren’t the kind of people to scream or throw things at a bunch of children. It was that calculation that led to Hütter seeking the aid of these children.
As Sombart put it, “Ooh, using children as shields! What a scoundrel you are, Mr. Hütter!” It was extremely unwelcome praise.
As he considered such thoughts, Hütter picked the mandola back up.
Holding down all six strings, he started to pluck our a tune with his fingertips. This wasn’t the same chaka-chan as before; maybe you could call this more of a plonk-plonk.
Plucking out a melancholy melody that went something like plololololololololonk, he started to sing as heartfully as he could.
“Your arrow spins round and round upon yonder roof, but where have you gone, my weather vane~? Perched upon you now is… (plolololololololonk) … A pigeon~.”
Chaka-chaaaan!
When he suddenly switched into an intense melody, the atmosphere shifted.
Dong-clack, dong-clack. Sevil and Wren kept a steady beat by pounding pots with wooden sticks. They’d borrowed them from a nearby house.
It was best to use songs with a catchy melody and simple rhythm that made them easier to pick up. That would help get the audience humming along before they knew it.
“Poppollo, poppoppopo? Poppopollo, poppoppopo!
Poppopollo, poppoppopo? Poppopollo, poppoppopo!”
Dong-clack, dong-clack The kids now clapped along in time with the beat.
“Nothings working the way you want it to? Kurukurupoppo, kurupoppo,
Even if it does work, you’re stuck going in circles? Kurukurupoppo, kurupoppo.
The world will make your head spin, so of course the weather vane spins as well!
Looking for the winds of tomorrow, go ride the wind today, weather vane… and pigeon!”
The dexterity of your tongue was the key to fast lyrics like that. Here there was a chance of the beat being a little off, so you had to pay close attention so you could keep to the rhythm.
He could feel his lungs straining from the exertion. That would be his age coming back to bite him. To be honest, he was already huffing and puffing from the poppo exercises alone.
“Poppopollo, poppoppopo? Poppopollo, poppoppopo!
Poppopollo, poppoppopo? Poppopollo, poppoppopo!”
Chakapoko, clang-clang! As he pounded on the pot, the miraculous pretty boy Wren Bayer desperately struggled with his embarrassment.
(Nghhh, come on, this is so embarrassing…!)
Whatever he was doing right now was Mr. Hütter’s special assignment for the class. Apparently it was supposed to be some kind of thank-you concert for the people of the village they were using as a refuge.
But no matter how he looked at it, this was clearly unauthorized. The Spiremasters and Directors were all completely dumbfounded.
After all, this was a crisis that threatened the entire Empire. This was no time to be dancing around all poppo! and whatnot! That at least had been Wren’s perspective, but Sevil had said:
“I see, it seems as if Mr. Hütter is plotting something.”
Something told him Sevil was massively overestimating Mr. Hütter.
No matter what he had in mind, why would that plan have to begin with this whole Poppo Show Time at a time like this!?
(I can’t stand it! The others are looking at me! … Julius! Gerald! Stop it, don’t look at me like that!!!)
By ‘like that,’ they were looking at him with eyes that said “What the heck are you doing?” It hurt.
“Wren, chin up.”
Wren stared at the ground, but Sevil chided him as she pounded on her pot.
“Have you already forgotten what Mr. Hütter told us before we began?”
“Argghhhhh…”
When they were practicing, Hütter told him:
“It’s okay if you fail, just put your heart into it. If you half-ass it because you’re embarrassed, it’ll only get more embarrassing. Actually, you should be good at this, right pretty boy? I’m counting on your natural appeal for this plan, so be as appealing as you can!”
Wren grumbled and focused in on his chest.
Come on, I need all the pretty boy power I can get!
A twinkle in his eyes, a shine on his skin and hair, sparkles emanating all around him.
—Everyone! I know my teacher is doing something a little weird, but in the name of this pretty boy, I want you to let it slide!
“No way~ppo! (Poppopo, poppoppopo)
I can’t~ppo! (Poppopo, poppoppopo)
The wind won’t blow this way all~ day~ you know~”
Chaka-chaka, chaka-poko, de-ke-de-ke-de-ke
The instruments were working together to produce a pleasant sound, but there was not a hint of reaction from the audience. Their confusion was simply too strong.
When the song reached an interlude, Sevil projected her voice.
“You fools! When my master speaks, you answer! Now shout! Poppo!”
An uneasy chorus of “Poppo?” echoed in response.
Said response came from Herr, the one from the Finance Office who was easily swayed by authority (the ‘this guy’s for real!’ guy). Rose also responded with delight, alongside a few others.
Sevil screamed.
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
This time, the reply was a somewhat more enthusiastic “Poppo.”
Doing his best to add to the shouting, Wren thought about it.
If you searched the whole world, he doubted you would ever be able to find another princess who would order people to shout “Poppo” like that.